You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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