I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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