Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
