people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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