He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
