Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
