Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
