singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
