Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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