At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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