herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
