I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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