so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
