My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
