I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
