Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
