I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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