i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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