I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
