So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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