Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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