I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
