just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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