I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
