everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Found your dick twin last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
