Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
