New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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