oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
