In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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