I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
