I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
