I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize