Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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