The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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