Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
