my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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