i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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