I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
