just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
