Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
