I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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