Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
