My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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