found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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