two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
