I'm eating all of the evidence.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
