how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
