you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
