a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
