he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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