We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
