omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
